What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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