So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
