Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
