hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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