how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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