I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
