Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
