She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
