U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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