The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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