you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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