dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
