You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
