is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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