I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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