Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
