Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?

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(402): apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor. (717): But why'd she put it on the conveyor then? http://tfl.nu/v0cx

Replies (4) Good night (2697) Bad night (638)
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(816): View more from Missouri

He is an equal opportunity slut.

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(816): He is an equal opportunity slut. http://tfl.nu/40gq

Replies (10) Good night (2577) Bad night (778)
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(727): View more from Florida

I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.

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(727): I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused. http://tfl.nu/bje5

Replies (24) Good night (1183) Bad night (3996)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.

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(847): Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed. http://tfl.nu/5sxg

Replies (14) Good night (751) Bad night (4926)
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(317): View more from Indiana

well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night

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(317): well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night http://tfl.nu/od6j

Replies (19) Good night (1704) Bad night (6432)
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(915): View more from Texas

Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?

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(915): Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere? http://tfl.nu/8ktc

Replies (15) Good night (1226) Bad night (2940)
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(928): View more from Arizona

He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.

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(928): He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner. http://tfl.nu/dvnd

Replies (13) Good night (4444) Bad night (958)
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(229): View more from Georgia

Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?

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(229): Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing? http://tfl.nu/q7mi

Replies (6) Good night (2137) Bad night (1116)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

It's gameday bitch. Man up.

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(336): I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged. (412): It's gameday bitch. Man up. http://tfl.nu/dewp

Replies (2) Good night (1567) Bad night (732)
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(440): View more from Ohio

Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.

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(440): Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin. http://tfl.nu/2sax

Replies (12) Good night (1102) Bad night (638)
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(616): View more from Michigan

Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado

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(616): Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado http://tfl.nu/cd6c

Replies (4) Good night (1284) Bad night (447)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.

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(859): I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl. http://tfl.nu/2tvq

Replies (10) Good night (883) Bad night (437)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.

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(780): I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong. http://tfl.nu/brwn

Replies (2) Good night (554) Bad night (818)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital

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(403): We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital http://tfl.nu/szef

Replies (2) Good night (473) Bad night (224)
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(+64): View more from New Zealand

Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover

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(+64): Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover http://tfl.nu/478u

Replies (0) Good night (406) Bad night (171)

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