Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
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then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
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I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.