1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy