Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires