i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
