Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I am available for nakedness
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
