at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
