i think i have herpe
just one?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
