Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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