it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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