Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
