A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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