I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
