my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
