we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
