can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
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Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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