My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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