Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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