I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
