I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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