This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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