you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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