I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
