My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
