the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
