As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
