Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
