I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
That accounts for only three of the penises
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
