I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
