and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
