Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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