if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
