Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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