fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
