Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
