i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
