so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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