Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
