So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
