How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
