If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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