You're so nebulous sometimes
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
