someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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