Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
