shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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