I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
