I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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