I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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