Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
