We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He better not be in your backpack
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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