next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
