I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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