Four minutes until I can fart!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I forget how to act sober
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
