Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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