We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
