I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
