i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
