I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize