Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize