I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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