plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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